Does Not Play Well with Friends

If I got a report card today, it would include the comment: does not play well with friends. Well, more accurately, the adult version: trust issues.

My co-worker told me a piece of information this morning and I HAD to check it myself. I couldn’t just TRUST what she said. This aspect of my personality means I will get things done when I tell you I will; it means I always try my best and hold myself accountable. In excess though, it also means I can be difficult with my co-workers and even my husband. It means I need to let go a bit. But how?….

This idea of needing to let go is not new to me. For years I felt guilty for asking my mother if I could take my biology midterm the following day BEFORE rushing on a plane to my father who incurred a sudden traumatic brain injury and was in critical care.

Losing my father suddenly at the age of 21, I thought, drove home this idea of needing to let go—that things aren’t in my hands. Yet, just as the Bnei Israel sinned with the golden calf after witnessing the miraculous split of the Sea of Reeds, I too need more than just a one-time dramatic event to jolt me into changing aspects of my personality. I need CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), among other things…Overall, I need to take small action steps and really work on what it means to trust others and not need to double check them ALL the time. Sure sometimes is fine, but not ALL the time. (Also I need to trust myself more and not double check myself all the time!) I need to let go and let things happen a little more—without being the one behind the wheel—i.e. taking the action.

My co-workers, friends, and spouse will have a more pleasant experience—and I’m pretty sure I will too!

Okay, deep breath, here we go…
One. Step. At. A. Time.

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