First Comes Self-Love, Then Comes Marriage: On Putting Your Mental Health First and Having Faith

This morning I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine who is a clinical social worker. It is as if the universe knew that I had just started this new blog website. In messaging with my friend, I saw a blog post creating itself before my very eyes: one on the topic of the importance of self-love and faith in G-d during the dating process. I am excited to now share her insights.

If you are in the same boat as me and my friend were, you feel this sense of responsibility to be in NY, the singles scene, because that is the way to find a husband. For my friend, she ended up marrying an out of towner who lived outside of NY. For me, I ended up marrying an out of towner who had moved to NY for grad school. So, yes, I met my husband because I was in NY, but I didn’t have to live in the city to attend a party there. And for me personally, I would have been better off not living in the city that never sleeps. Growing up sheltered in a religious community in the suburbs, I didn’t have a thick enough shell to live healthily in NY, which brings me to point number two…

“I believe if you take steps toward improving your mental health that only brings you closer to getting married and you need to have true emunah (faith) and know that G-d will bring you your zivug (lifelong mate) no matter where you both live.”

This was the point at which I was like, uh, here is a blog post in the making! This pretty much sums up the theme of my book upon which this blog site is based. As I wrote in my book, it was only after I reawakened my passion for helping others (by health coaching), and recommitted to making myself happy by doing things that I loved (dancing and going to the beach) without needing a guy to spearhead the activities, that I entered a place where I was ready to find my lifelong mate.

The dating stage of life is soooo hard. We wonder: If we allow ourselves to embrace who we truly are and live as the most expanded version of ourselves, will guys still want to date us? The answer is: the right one will. And the others, trust me, they are so not worth your time.

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